Night Thoughts 1

When I was in college a few years ago I would find it extremely difficult to fall asleep due to the constant racing thoughts. There were two ways to fix this, by taking a sleep aid or by walking around campus until I exhausted my body and my mind. The latter being the main option and the other the last resort. I remember being so afraid to let those thoughts in. Giving them attention making it all too real so I did all I could to block them out not knowing I was making it worse. I wanted something stronger to completely knock me out of all feeling, and all pain. One weekend when all my roommates were gone the thought of ending my life came back. That night I was so mentally exhausted and so afraid of the thoughts in my head. I don’t know what I did to stop, or to get better after that day. I simply knew I did not want to take this route. Today, those thoughts arise once or twice a year making me slightly anxious and upset, as if all the knowledge and growth since then goes out the window. Despite the negative emotions I know that it to will pass like everything else around me; it keeps me aware and gives me hope.